Drama makes the world go round...

I should be cleaning right now. I have masses of laundry to fold and switch and jump around in. I just felt compelled to check facebook, which led me to this...blogging. Its been a while. I don't really know what to talk about. I guess there are plenty of things I could go into...like...for instance...the weather. But why talk about things that will only lead to tears and pillow hitting. I would much rather talk about something pleasant or romantic or insightful in some way. Nothing is coming to mind. Well, some things are coming to me...but they all support the 'female fantasy land' that I just can't be bothered to promote. Umm. Yeah, I am probably confusing you...because I am certainly confusing myself.

I should only ever blog when I have something valuable to say. I am wasting your time and my own. I will go on, however, because I love writing. I feel like Harriet the Spy. I liked that movie. And this is already on the internet, so it is not like I will face the same adversities that Harriet did...I have no secrets to be revealed (not ones that I would reveal in writing anyway). 

Today David came over. We watched a movie and then I made us dinner. After that, Joanna and Collin popped over for a visit. We played Dutch Blitz. It was pretty fantastic. I may have won a couple rounds. Boy oh boy, is it ever hard not to get SUPER competitive when playing a game like that. 

I had a ginger tea. It was nice. 

Sigh...I really don't have much to say at all. It is weird. I always have something to say. 

Becoming Jane was a depressing movie. I am quite satisfied not living in an era where passionate women are frowned upon. If I don't get married ever in my life...I will die. 

I WILL die. it is part of life. But I will die really sad if I don't experience mutual human love first. (that sounds weird, but we must embrace honesty...). I might not die super sad if my death were really sudden...then i might not think about it at all. I imagine my friends would though. They would think 'poor poor Bethany. she never did experience mutual human love.'...as they look at my sad face in the coffin. 

I am morbid. And I am changing the subject. 

first I will pray,

Lord, I am sorry for any word curses or bitter root expectations that I have written here. I break them off and pray a blessing over my future and my destiny. 

amen. I love you lord.

Bethany.

There...

My parents taught me to not hide my mistakes...but to flaunt them before others...that they might learn from me. Aren't I humble for exposing my sin?!

Anyway, I suppose I should go now. 

I hope wherever you are, you are happy. 

i love you and i probably miss you.

What you sow, so shall you reap...

I decided many years ago that I would never give in to winters manipulations. A couple years ago, I went as far as wearing flip flops for the entire season. I think my ways need some changing. This is the first year that I have been forced onto the bus...which means lengths of time standing outside. I must admit, there were many times that I decided not to wear boots (the boots that I don't own) or a jacket and regretted it...deeply. Now, it is nearly the end of the season, and I have had a cold for two weeks straight. I guess I deserve it, and I am not asking sympathy from anyone. I tried praying for the Lord to make me better, and I feel as though he laughed in response. Were I a child, begging my mom for some aide in my woes, she would have laughed too. Sigh...

I just long, with everything in my being, for spring. I miss walking. I miss the waterfront. I miss flowers and green leaves. Soon, Bethany, soon. I am angry at snow. We are not talking. 

I got a job at First Choice. Don't get jealous. I really like it. At least I know that I am good at what I do. My poor fingers are all chopped up because of it. You should see them...

I have been really outrageously blessed this week. From Saturday to Friday...everyday something surprisingly spectacular happened showing me that I am taken care of. I have done nothing to deserve it...It is kind of like when a husband and wife fall into routine...I feel like I am being woed back into love. Its nice...not gonna lie.

Well, I need to go write a song.

Peace.

a babble here, a babble there...

It has been an interesting day to say the very least.

I did not go to school. I know, I know...I should have. I have skipped way too much school for my own good. I just find myself having less and less motivation to go. 

Here is what I think is going on under the surface. I am 'alone time' starving. I need...I crave...alone time. I spend 8 hours of my day surrounded by so much crap that I am battling (consciously or unconsciously) the entire time. After that, I go home and stay up until midnight with people...lots of people. I love it, don't get me wrong...there is a massive extroverted part of me.

What lots of people don't realize is that there is a part of me that wants to be alone with some music and a cup of tea and a clean atmosphere to think and contemplate and do nothing in particular. I LONG for quiet...rest...

So, some days I don't go to school so I can be alone for a little while. It is the worse excuse. I know that I need to honour my commitments and blah blah blah...

HAHA....my attitude about it sucks. I am trying to convince you, and me, that I am somehow justified in my irresponsibility... 

ON A MORE SPIRITUAL NOTE:

Currently listening to a Podcast 

Bill Johnson:

a paraphrase of his thoughts on Acts 10:38....

I have NO interest in dabbling with the prophetic. In dabbling in the Kingdom. 

I am driven by a standard that to my knowledge has never been duplicated...

the standard is: He healed ALL who came to Him. It is the only acceptable standard.

When Gods presence is with you, you are obligated to conquer something. 

WOW!!

Alright...now...another note...

My roommate just went through every baked good at Second Cup and touched it with a pen. Thanks to her dozens of people will probably be ill due to ink poisoning. 

She made a really really good drink for me though...so I am not suggesting she be fired....

And another note....

I am simply trying to waste time here by babbling about whatever comes to mind. 

I have been thinking about my dreams in life lots and lots recently...because I don't have many outside of a marriage...

Here is what I came up with (including some inspired ideas from the Lord through other people):

~Will work as a inner healing counselor

~Will work with children that are not my own

~Will live in another country for some period of my life...probably the US and the UK

~Will speak at conferences

~Will be a seasoned singer/songwriter

~Will understand depths of the fathers heart that most people will never begin to fathom

~Will challenge and change the hearts of hundreds

~and I guess....I will have my hairdressing license. And will use it from time to time...

Well, that is what I came up with. 

I am drinking a pumpkin spice latte. It has coffee in it. bleehhh. Oh well. It is still okay. I just can't stand anything coffee right now. I have to have a craving for it, and right now I don't. 

I am going to leave now. I am bored now...it is time to go. I need to pay attention to this message...

BILL JUST SAID:

"How much does it take to push you in regards to thing you are hoping for. At what point do we say thank-you? What was small becomes great in the atmosphere of thankfulness. It helps to feed off of what God is doing instead of what He hasn't done. eg. Jesus and the loaves and the fishes."

Goal in life: find single young man like Bill and live with him for the rest of my life.

If the Lord wills it.

GOING NOW! 

As promised...

I promised I would write about how much I hate the look of LED lights this year. Everything looks blue and orange.

I just wish things looked a little more red and green. Is that putting Christmas in a box?!

Oh well.

It has been stated, officially, I HATE the lights this year.

So glad they are coming down.

except the purple ones. I do like them.