Oh Jay, you're cool.

Jay Leno is popular because at this time in the evening, people are not really paying attention to the quality of the programs they are watching. Like now. I am watching Jay Leno; I am even laughing at him. Out loud. I don't even know the name of the guest he is interviewing. It's just noise. Noise that I am laughing at.

I can't wait for Conan to come on. The truth is, I have been watching it for the last two weeks, and I realized...he really isn't that interesting a bunch of times in a row. He just does the same thing every show. He walks out, does up his jacket, says 'Yeaaah', jumps and points awkwardly at the crowd, says hi to Max, and tells 'true stories' from the news.

I don't really know what I am saying...my brain is a little dead (hence watching Jay Leno).

Bye

Sigh...

Following your dreams can be so complicated.
End of story.

Amazing Grace

I used to think I was overly sensitive. What people said affected me. When I watched those infomercials with the caged Panda Bears and people asking desperately for money, I would lean in, listening carefully to their plea. When I got older, I realized that people were not always being practical about their 'urgent needs'. I am not sure practical is the right word for it. They are biased to a cause; and their cause was never really meant to be my cause as well.

Last year, I spent a lot of time in self-discovery (as I will do for the remainder of my 20's or so I have been told). I discovered that I was not as compassionate I once thought I was. I am actually quite rude. I was raised by two VERY practical adults who have prioritized reality over feeling. I have gone WAY over the edge of both sides...and I am happy to say...I believe I have found a healthy balance when it comes to me and my life.

Other people, however, I find myself in constant inner conflict. They come to me to talk about what is going on in their lives, and (at first) I am overcome with frustration and annoyance. I just want them to see that their choices are screwed up, change their reactions, and GET BETTER...

I realized that is the most IMPRACTICAL practical advice you could ever give. It all comes down to grace.

Grace...I need it. I need lots of it. Sometimes I realize the I have it. It seems to sneak its way in, even after I feel I lost it. People disappoint me all the time. They hurt me, they lie to me, they don't love me the way I want to be loved...yet...after all my anger, and initial pain...I choose love. That is a tiny piece of grace, but it is enough to change my life and the people who are part of it.