I have this sparking urge to be creative...like some carbonated beverage about to explode.
Lets see...
Hmm...
Well, we can start with New Years. Thinking about the new year forces me to put my current life into perspective; likes and dislikes are magnified and all of a sudden every second I wasted in the past year comes flooding back with the force of weeks. It is so hard not to burry myself with regrets; thinking of things I could have done differently. It seems I spent 2007 going through constant change in every way. I am better for it.
I remember my biggest lesson of 2006 was to be happy with who I am in the present; to not be so focused on the future me. I was so distracted by looking forward that I missed everything going on around me. I couldn't accept myself, because I was too aware of what I could be...and wasn't. I started off 2007 with the revelation that I had value in every moment. I started off loving myself, and daring to dream for the next day.
I would probably say that my most cherished lesson for 2007 is that I am worth a chase. My heart was wooed consistently...I walked under a cloud that showered treasure after treasure. I can remember feeling as though the dozens of little locked up boxes that were inside of me had been opened. A thick sheet had lifted, and I was suddenly aware of the way I contributed to the Kingdom. Come to think of it, that is what 2007 was. It was a revelation of my royalty and the beginnings of my knowledge of responsibility.
2008 will likely be the most intense year I have yet faced. I will learn a lot through trial and error. I have a feeling I will be exploring some new ground...stumbling my way through it. At the same time, I know it will be my favourite year so far! I'll be spending lots and lots of time with someone I love very much. He is going to help me through it.
So..New Years Resolutions?? I guess mine are:
-to remember my worth as I go on to face bigger challenges.
-to pay better attention/stay focused
-take care of myself so I can take care of others
-challenge sin and be soft to correction
On a slightly different tune...
Here are some things I have been thinking about recently.
I was spending some time with God last week and He showed me a picture...it went like this:
I was sitting in a room with a box. The box had parts inside it like a giant 3D puzzle...and on the outside was a blurry picture of what it was meant to look like put together. I emptied the box and tried putting the parts together. I came up with several possibilities of what it was supposed to be. Each time it looked great, I was just not satisfied. I began to get frustrated...smashing it to pieces when I finished.
God said "Bethany, if you would just invite me in the room...I invented that toy. Its not meant to be work for you. It was meant to be a game for us..."
I looked at the box, and noticed a sign "for 2 players"
He continued, "You are a smart and capable girl. You can make something out of nothing. I know you so well, better than you would like. You want to figure it out on your own, but you will not find joy in that. You find your joy in me and only me. I made you that way. I made the game to work that way. Bethany, I want to play with you. Stop working so hard to impress me. I crave quality time. That is the point."
So, needless to say...I want to stop working.
In God's grace, He showed me that I have been slaving away to impress Him...leaving Him out of the journey. I realized pretty quickly (thank the Lord) that I was walking down a long, tiring and ultimately unsatisfying road that would lead to lots of painful character development...and little else. I turned back, and I am doing my best to walk down the foggier, windier, and honestly...scarier...road, abandoned to selfish ambition. I am always up for an adventure...and this one promises to be more fun...and full of cuddles. I like it.
And last, but not least...Romans 12 is blowing my mind.
Thank-you for stopping bye. Come again some time...
bring tea...
it helps the read.
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