When God says GO...

Things have been changing quite rapidly here at Singing Waters. Time flies quicker than a goose on acid. I have been here for 10 months, and it feels like 3. As some of you know, I have had issues in the past with focusing on my future, and forgetting about the present. At Singing Waters I have learned to be grateful for the season I am in right now. I have changed my mindset so much, in fact, that God has been like a child tapping me on the shoulder to get my attention. I had my fingers in my ears, and began to hum a ridiculous song in my head to drown Him out. I am afraid to admit that however how hard I try, His constant nagging has persuaded me to begin thinking about my next step.

I had thought since I first started at Singing Waters, that my next step would involve ministry. I know that God has called me to great things (what those are exactly, I am not sure...His voice seems to get all crackly when it comes to that part), I have been working my way up the ladder for quite some time. Sometime I turn back to see how far I have come (I MUST be at least half way up by now) and I notice that I have barely lifted my right foot off the ground. It's okay though, the ladder has been climbed by many, and a lot of them have had a hard fall when they get to the top. I don't want a fast trip up, I want to understand the ladder inside and out...I want to know it's weaknesses and avoid them.

Anyway, the point is that God is gracious. Simple, right?! Sort of. God's grace is pushing me on to the next step. My mindset is begging God to tell me where to go. Then something clicked. A couple months ago I was reading a book called 'Dreaming with God' written by Bill Johnson. It was really good, but I was reading it at the wrong time. When I was soaking one night, God reminded me of the book. A lot of it is about stepping out of this idea that we are slaves to God's will, rather, we are friends of God. He wants to dialogue with us about our future. I realized that I was living out of a slave mentality. I told God 'You must increase, I must decrease', in doing so...I killed every part of my future hopes in order to please Him (who never asked that of me in the first place). The book mentions Mary and Martha. It says that Martha was busy making sandwiches that Jesus never ordered. Mary was in a place with Jesus where she knew exactly what is was that He wanted, and she got it for Him in a second. Her relationship was out of Love, not service. Niiice.

Why am I talking about all this...? I am not exactly sure. All I wanted to do was tell you that I am finally ready to leave. Not because God demands it, but because in His grace, He showed me that I have hopes in a burial ground. He asked if He could raise them for me. I said yes. In July, I will be leaving Singing Waters. I am going to attend the School of Prophets in Stratford, and in September I will go to beauty school. Doesn't sound like a huge deal to most people, but for me...I feel like I was sitting in a musty dark room, and someone has opened the door to a spring wonderland...I can remember what it is like to breath.