A letter to a friend I loved.

My dear dear friend,
If I could only turn back time and beg you not to do what you did.
I just don't understand...
I thought you had the answers.
I thought you knew where to run.
I was sure you were stronger.
What you did does not make me doubt our friendship
It doesn't make me doubt God and his unending love for you
It makes me doubt you.
I feel like I never knew you.
The friend I knew was passionate and excited for life.
a warrior
the least selfish person I know
full of strength and peace
I don't know what you were wrestling with when you decided to give up
and I am not sure that my applause in the background
would have made much of a difference
but it didn't have to end this way.
I wish you would have remembered the crowd behind you
we would have faught with you
Did you forget about the champion you had on your side?
He was there with you.
He was right beside you, even to the last blow.
I loved you friend, but that did not seem to make a difference.
I will miss you so much, but you don't seem to care.
You used to tell me everything, and now
I have questions for you that I will never have answers to.
I am sorry that you felt weaker than you are.
If God is as gracious as I know He is,
I WILL see you again.
I loved you. I really loved you.

Bethany